on race and identity Pt. 1

my cousin once called me a halfbreed and it made me so angry. he and i were about ten or eleven and we were outside of the house at some family function and we started arguing. then he said something along the lines of “shut up you halfbreed”. it hurt.

the asian student union at the university i attended was handing out t-shirts to members and would-be members. when i asked for one the man looked at me and said “yes, you don’t have to be asian to be in the asian student union”. that REALLY hurt.

i used to tell myself, being half blackĀ  and half asian doesn’t make me any less of either. but does it? i don’t really know too much about being looked at as either black or asian, so i don’t know much about the prejudices either of my ethnicities go through. i’ve been blessed to just be seen as foreign, exotic. (though a southern blacke american family isn’t exactly “foreign”, a korean one is.)

but i’ve had some experiences that are typical for either of my cultures. I had a southern baptist grandmother who sang spirituals and gave me home remedies. i had an asian mother who taught me asian traditions. i had family and support that told me i was just as much one as i was the other. but i was not fully either in anyones eyes. and so, I developed a mentality that put me on neither side. i was unique, special, and what could be better than that?

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