fairytales and fiction

i’ve never been all that realistic. when i was little i watched all those disney princess movies and just knew that prince charming was waiting for me somewhere. all i had to do was wait and one day he’d turn up on his gallant steed and scoop me up and we’d ride off into the sunset. we’d marry, have beautiful children and rule over a glorious, peaceful kingdom.

yet here I am, in my mid to late twenties breaking off an engagement, with no signs of a kingdom in sight, nor of children, for that matter. so, how did all this happen? I don’t understand the ending of a love. i’m pretty old fashioned about these things. I come from a two parent home, I read alot of classics and watched those darn disney films growing up. when I thought of love it was, in the words of the bard, an ever-fixed mark. unyielding and everlasting. when I said “yes”, it meant forever. more than forever; in fact. i had the images of paris and helen, Odysseus and penelope, ariel and eric all forever stored in my mind. unfortunately, this is the real world. and real problems can tarnish even the sweetest of fantasies. you’d think that love can weather any storm, but my experiences have led me to ask, is it truly enough? I used to think that people who argued the need for financial stability to be materialistic. and those who argued for similar upbringing hard headed.

i met someone i thought to be my prince, and he was seemingly perfect. and then things took a turn for the worst, both emotionally and financially, and we became bitter and resentful.

the idealist in me would have thought that money issues, or different upbringings, jealous ex’s or periods of separation would not have been enough to destroy something once so beautiful. love is a powerful thing, it should have been able to hold strong against such trifling issues. but here i am, standing amid a tempest of regret, longing and rage wondering where that eternal love is. i mean, here we are, at the edge of doom and love did not bear it out.

and yet, i refuse to believe that  people,  in reality, are not capable of loving as fully, as intensely and as unconditionally as those in fiction. someday my prince will come. damn you disney.

SONNET 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
   If this be error and upon me proved,
   I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

                                                                                      – William Shakespeare

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One thought on “fairytales and fiction

  1. Love is never enough. I learned that. Love does NOT conquer all – we were duped/tricked/bamboozled with that Hollywood lie.

    You’re still so very young and although you may not think you are…I can see it…it’s not about wisdom or maturity in this case it IS about age. If you think time is running away from you…it’s not…please enjoy this time in your life…not wasting it on a “boy” when you should be the most important person to you right now. You should take this time to explore you…see the world (as much as you can)…meet interesting people…travel solo (you meet more people this way)…this stage in your life should be about you. I wish you peace in your heart/spirit/mind.

    Saranghae

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