somewhere between my dreams and reality i begin to remember what day it is, who i am, and where i am. and i begin to struggle to return to the comfort of my dreams, or even my nightmares. in them, i am not so insignificant. in my dreams there is no lost love. no lost family. in them, i seem to know myself better, which is natural as it’s all in my mind. but in the end i begrudgingly awake . and before my eyes open so that i can take in the world, i take in the fact that i feel more hollow than i do alive. i feel as though the only part of me that is still a fighter, a lover, a protector, a human, is missing. as though the biggest piece of me has been left behind.
and the dreams themselves have filled me with more emotion than i ever imagined possible. i dream of love and i awake elated, only to remember…i dream of people and things and places i have not seen, but some part of me believes they exist out there, somewhere. last night, there was a man, and he needed my help. he needed something done for his family and it tore him apart that it couldn’t be done. i could see the tears in his eyes more vividly than i can see my reflection in the mirror. things like this linger with me for weeks, even months.
i fear these days i am being pulled deeper and deeper into the realm which exists only in my mind. as though i am more connected with the ongoings of my dreams and imagination that i am with the tangible things of this world.