It’s been one helluva ride for me these past weeks. with immense pain in my soul, i can admit that i was further betrayed by the man i gave everything to than i would have ever imagined. i was upstaged by his dreamgirl. who knew she’d turn up? hell, who knew i wasn’t it?
anyway, i’ve taken the path many a heartbroken woman have taken…i’ve moved back home to my parents in order to regroup and move forward once more. i feel like Sandra Bullock in Hope Floats, or that woman in Diary of a Mad Black Woman. I guess Hollywood does get it right sometimes, huh? I haven’t been blessed (yet) with a painfully handsome rebound man ready to swoop me off my feet, but that’s all well because i’m not ready for a handsome rebound man. i’ve got a new muse.
his name is biblical, and like the arch angel for whom he is named, he is quite the saviour. we met unconventionally; he was simply the friend of a friend of a friend. but the day we met we conversed like friends who had gone decades apart. he was a kindred spirit through and through and i was elated to have someone to relate to. but whats most important, he has become a catalyst. during that late night excursion into one another’s mind, he somehow unveiled my inhibition. when he asked me why i wasn’t writing as much as i could, the fact that i had no solid response exposed, to myself, the truth that i had to continue writing. the most touching thing that i hear over again was that he told me i was being selfish, that my words were meant for people. though this is something i’ve felt deep down, however it took this one person to look me in my eyes and ignite the fire in me.
and i am ignited. i feel more drive, more hunger, more lust for my work than i have felt at any moment in my life. with every breath i take i compose. with every moment, i am inspired. and i do it for the world. sound conceited? i guess i may be expressing myself incorrectly. i don’t feel like i’m Gods gift to the world, but that God gave me a gift for the world. see, this angel is also a humanitarian. his life’s work has been to rehabilitate people who have fallen into poverty/homelessness and he told me that every time he sees a client doing something better for themselves, he knows he did something for the world.
this is the intention i take with me when writing. this is my duty as a storieteller. i cannot take something the most high has given me, this ability to weave words, and squander it. Beckett, McGruder, Baldwin, Bronte all wrote to change their times for the better. to expose the flaws and shortcomings so that the world they knew could improve upon itself. in this time, we need this more than we know. and i thank Michael for giving me strength. for giving me back my poetry, and just when i thought all was lost.