Apologies

APOLOGIES

9.14.2011

we began with the sweetest of apologies

for taking up a moment of my time as i was walking past

you just had to ask

what my ethnic make up consisted of

” ’cause love, i think i’m the same as you”

and i’d never met a man with game like you so when you called

5 minutes after you got the digits

i knew then and there that i would let you hit it

i just had to assess you first.

and the worst part is that i was so smitten i fell for a kitten

when it was a lion i was after 

…i digress…

so then was your turn to apologize

for getting my ring size so wrong

i had to wear the symbol of my betrothal

around my vocal cords.

(i also forgave you for getting yeellow gold

cause you know

i hate how it shows on my finger)

 

but these were trifling regrets that linger on your behalf

and in the aftermath of our disaster

they really don’t matter in the greater scope of it all.

 

No.

What matters are your attempts at atonement

after you invited that HOE in my home

telling her how long i’d be gone with my friends

so she can sneak in the back door.

or when you sought vindication for

obtaining oral relations in the car

 from that white chick up the block.

Is it true?

do they all swallow?

Or how about the excuses

for a body full of bruises

i obtained in an effort to flea?

 

No.

 

the one that needs to apologize

 is me.

 

I’m sorry,

SELF

for letting him break your nose

stripping you of your prose

because scribing it down would have made it too real.

i know we made a deal

to just shut the fuck up

cause it was just as much us

but, you’re 4′ 11.

He’s 6 ‘ 2.

he never had the right to put his hands on you.

And i never had the right to make you stay.

 What blinded me in that way

i couldn’t possibly tell you.

it’s not your fault he did those things

i’m sorry i made you believe that misconception

and tainted your perception of love.

but when i fell ‘in love”

i fell through the glass ceiling

sending shards through the very heart of me.

and there’s a part of me that knows

i owe you more than any prose

could EVER offer.

but i will rebuild, word upon word

promises to the self

because no one else

knows what we have endured

and so, for sure,

in the words of Polonius

‘to thine own self be true’

becuase the last person that should owe you an apology…

…is you.

 

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