in the past week, i’ve had more than one man tell me they were in in love with me. deep down there’s that little girl with pigtails in two-sizes too big overalls who knows only the stories of Aurora, Jasmine, Belle and who wants to believe.
but on the surface, and not so deep down, i dont believe in love at all. maybe my perception of love, unconditional and eternal, just doesn’t fit with what the world calls love. i was raised by Petrarch’s passionate professions of undying love. Shakespeare’s star-crossed stories. and in these, love is ever-fixed, unalterable.
truth be told, i have ever only been in love with one person. and it’s been a long time coming. and regardless of what he says, or does, i’m fairly sure he doesn’t love me. he may care about me, he may be comfortable or sexually attracted to me. but love? non-existent.
i have played the fool, and willingly so, many a time. but i was given advice by a man, a colleague and friend, whom i admire more than most people walking. he told me, “you can’t judge people by your own morals and standards. they’ll never measure up.” and so i officially give up on making a man believe in my idea of love.
i’ll wait, and patiently at that, for the man who makes LOVE more than a word to me. it may not be my Petrarchan head over heels, completely illogical love. but it should make me feel love, not just hope for it.
i may never find it. but, at least i know better than to make something out of nothing.