Self-discovery and Self-indulgence

It may be that my biggest problem as a person is self-indulgence. I do not discipline myself, I do not withhold happiness from myself and I do whatever possible to avoid misery. Even as a small child I knew that every moment was precious. The effect that this had on me was rather different from the effect it has on others: I stopped trying. Why work hard in class? If I get a B or even a C, that’s just as much a pass as an A. In fact, and A says I super-pass but the C still says I’m good enough. I would much rather watch cartoons right now than do work, so by golly, that’s what I’m going to do.  Is that lazy?  And I don’t simply do what I want, but I do it in excess. I have been late to work, because I was too into a book to get out of bed. I gain weight when I work, because I can afford all the food that I crave. I will cuddle up with a book and a dozen cookies and both will be done before the afternoon wears out. On top of that, I am not one of those people who get sick of doing or eating something over and over. I tried Buffalo Blasts from Cheesecake Factory once, they’re these friend pieces of amazing shredded buffalo chicken and cheese. I went back twice a week for those things for about two years. I’ve re-read Harry Potter – all of them – three times and I have watched Memento no less than 42 times.  I figure, if I like it, why change it? I KNOW the answer is because i may find something else i like, but what if I don’t like what I try. Unlike most people, I’d consider it a wasted moment.  What’s more, I binge everything. I binge eat junk: cookies, fries, pizza as I binge watch Orange is the New Black or Game of Thrones or Downton Abbey AS I binge scroll Instagram or Pintrest. I’ve got a serious problem, but that’s okay because the first step in anything is admittance, right?  I admit that I am self-indulgent book/food/film glutton who needs to branch out. There. I said it. Wish me luck.


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